Miscarriage is devastating to those who have experienced it. Friends and family oftentimes are not sure how to provide comfort and it can be hard to find the right words to say. There are also individuals who may believe a miscarriage isn’t that big of a deal because the baby was never born. However, it can be one of the deepest pains a couple can experience. When dealing with a friend who is experiencing a miscarriage, the first important step is to understand the significance of their circumstance and loss. Here are some additional things to consider when comforting a friend:
Acknowledge the Loss
Sometimes people don’t know what to say, so they avoid recognizing the loss altogether. By acknowledging the miscarriage, you show you care about your friend. Avoiding the topic may send a signal that you don’t care. Let her know you are sad for them. If you aren’t sure what else to say, tell her how much you care and ask her if there is anything you can do for them during this painful time.
Your friend needs room to express her feelings and grief. It is healthy for her to work through how she is feeling and normal for her to feel sadness, anger, shame or guilt. Processing these feelings is an important step in her healing. Give her room to express these feelings in a nonjudgmental atmosphere. Be sure not to push her into sharing more than what she is willing.
What NOT to Say
Avoid using clichés or minimizing the miscarriage. Examples: “You can always try again,” “You weren’t that far along,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” This type of “advice” only pours salt on a very deep wound. You may think you are helping, but most of the time it only adds to her pain.
What You CAN Say and Do
• If you know the name of the baby, it’s OK to refer to him/her by that name. This can be helpful to parents as they grieve.
• Offer to bring a meal or help with housework.
• Send a sympathy or thinking of you card.
• Try to remember the anniversary of the miscarriage and be prepared to offer your condolences, if your friend brings it up. Remember each year this may be a painful time for them.
For more suggestions on how to help your friend through miscarriage click here. Here is also a TED talk that offers great insight on those who grieve. Be sure to also check out our other blogs on miscarriage here.
AVA Care is here to Advocate for you, Validate your concerns and provide Answers to your questions. We are here for you – no matter what you decide. Schedule an appointment online or call 540.434.7528 today.
Dr. Teresa Klansek
The content on this page has been reviewed and approved by our Medical Director Dr. Teresa Klansek.